So I haven’t posted for over a month. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to write about, more that I had too much to say!
It was by far the toughest month of motherhood so far; much harder than the ups and downs of a newborn baby and more draining than the worst of the wonder weeks leaps. As a result, I spent the month feeling like I was on an emotional rollercoaster and felt like anything I posted might be a bit too much for other people to read.
Luckily, with the end of June, came a slight turn around and I feel we are on the up again, so I thought I’d write a post explaining just why June became my least favourite month!
It all started, on the 6th June, when Rory turned 10 months and we both faced a first. My first full day back at work and Rory’s first full day at nursery. Surprisingly, this first day was actually ok, morning routine went to plan and we were all on time, I survived the day with my new class and I felt pretty positive that between us we had totally got this. Well, more fool me!
Along came the 7th June and the day Rory started to get poorly. What followed was weeks of illness, tonsillitis, high temperatures, the grumpiest baby and a whole mountain of stress. I know every baby goes through illnesses and I know our experience is no different to anyone else’s but I think the combination of juggling going back to work with a plethora of illnesses just knocked us all for six. There were moments where I just didn’t feel like Rory would ever be better and moments where I was racked with the guilt of returning to work earlier than I had originally planned. More than anything I felt like I wasn’t doing a good job of anything, like I wasn’t being a very good teacher, was failing at being a good mum and keeping my boy healthy and being a lame girlfriend along side it all.
None of this was helped by the fact that as well as all this illness, Rory was also refusing to eat and was drinking the bare minimum, and I could just feel him getting skinnier and skinnier. Trust me when I say he is tiny and really doesn’t have the weight to lose. This refusal to eat resulted in a half pound weight loss over the month. You can guess how much the health visitors love me!!
I’m sure every parent will agree that it’s hard to explain that feeling when your little one is ill and you are doing everything you can and it’s still not helping and you just want to make them better. I would happily have taken every illness away from him and gone through it myself. I never quite appreciated this when it came to my friends and their little ones.
However, the silver lining of the month I would like to forget happened is that I now have so much more appreciation for the little things like seeing his little smile again and watching him wolf down a yoghurt then demanding more. In fact right now he is refusing to sleep and is instead attempting to scale his cot bars, despite only having napped for about 30 minutes all day. But only a week ago he didn’t even have the strength to hold himself up in a sitting position so seeing him pulling himself up and throwing things out of his cot is actually amazing!
I’m hoping we are now illness free for at least a few weeks especially with the school holidays now firmly on the horizon (2 weeks, 1 day and counting). Here’s to lots more fun and adventures, a first birthday to celebrate and the chance to write many more blog posts.